I Was Just Sitting Here Thinking.....

......About how great it will be when I finally have a life again. I haven't had a true life in over five months. The final shred of a semi-normal life vanished last month, and here I sit, languishing away in Mississippi, reminiscing about the way things used to be with anyone who will listen. That is mainly my mother, and I can only do that when my crazy brother is being quiet, my father is off doing something, and my insufferable sister is as far away as humanly possible. I thought at first talking about the memories would make it easier for me to accept the fact that those days are gone, but it hasn't. I don't think anything will ever make me accept that fact.

April seems like a million years away. Even January, a hopeful month for me because things might change even sooner than I have planned, seems too far away to imagine. Even the pivotal date of October 15, in a mere 3 weeks, seems like another lifetime from now.

All I have left is faith, hope, and love....

Faith in God, faith that He will answer the prayer I have spoken every day and every night since 2:25pm on April 15, 2009. Faith that everything will be all right, that my patience will make everything worthwhile in the end.

Hope that this time next year, I'll look back and laugh over all the tears I cried, laugh about those tears with the person who I shed them for and who I shed them over. Hope that I can wake up and see that my pillow is free from tears, free from the streaks of mascara that rub off on the fabric when I cry.

Love for those around me who are helping me achieve this dream, this goal, this reality. Love for the one person that saved me, that opened my eyes to so many things.... faith and hope that my love for him will never die, no matter what happens.

That's all for now. My internet is finicky tonight, so best I post this while my connection is strong.

Much love.