I Suppose I Should Figure Out....

....quite a few things that would make my existance much easier if I could solve them. Not that I likely will, but it never hurts to try.

I mean, above all else, why is it that some nights I stay up till freaking 5am because I can't sleep and others I hit the hay at 9pm and am dead to the world? Answer me that.... hmmmm, bet you can't any more than I can.

Maybe I just have whacked-out sleeping habits... or maybe I just crash at the end of the week. Or maybe it's due to my overwhelming sadness that hits me at the worst possible moments.

That might be it.

And also.... why is time dragging? Come on, it could speed up some! Be October 15 so my application could be done and sent off.... be December 18 so I can be done with this current college.... be January 6 so I can (hopefully) be in Orlando..... be April 20 so I can be in Rexburg.

I told my mom today I just want to be out there. I told her I want to see Brandon. And Emmilie. Mainly Brandon, but still.... I also want to see Jordan. Shaun. Go down to Provo and see Elicia and Amy. Maybe even see Sarah.

I just want my old life back. The life I had from January to April 15.

April 15 is a rather black day in history, agreed? Tax Day... the day Abraham Lincoln died.... the day the Titanic sank... Sacco and Vanzetti supposedly murdered those two men.... numerous WWII battles were fought..... the Hillsoborough Disaster took place in England..... Tianenmen Square protests.... and for me, it is the day when my world came to a rude and abrupt halt.

Maybe that halt will move again soon. I have faith it will.

Much love.