I Need to Do Myself a Favor....

..... and QUIT THINKING ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!

Ok, got that said.

I'm serious. I stayed up till 5:30am because the usual was on my mind and I couldn't sleep. I in turn slept till 4:20pm today.... that's right. 4:20 in the afternoon. I haven't done that in over three years. I only sleep like that when I'm really sad or depressed. And I'm both of those right now. This is also when I break out the super-sad music in iTunes, songs that never fail to make me cry. Seems that's all I do anymore.

It wasn't so bad from May until I came home. I was still in Florida and had other things to occupy my mind. I had Katie with me still, and I remember sitting in her apartment that night and admitting the truth to her, which she of course had already picked up on. I still had my friends that hadn't left me, such as Emmilie, until the end. I was always so grateful that my friend Debbie came to see me the week of April 26th, and that Ashley came up from Palm Beach on April 18th. Things like that, right after it happened, made me able to cope. I met Hannah and she helped me cope too. Bridget came back and helped.

Then came August 7 and I left, like certain individuals did to me in April.

Being at home, where I don't want to be, makes it worse. I can tolerate my 9yo brother (I mean, it's not his fault he has ADHD and is deaf in one ear). I am fine with my mom. I'm starting to be able to be around my dad. But my sister is intolerable. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but it's true. She needs to grow up and quit having my parents fight her battles for her. I'll help her with anything, be it ACT studying, Mrs. Cook's English class, or anything else, but she doesn't deserve it the way she acts. It's frustrating to me.

I've found, ever since my conversion to the LDS church, that I'm a much more calm, placid person. I'm willing to do anything for my family. I'm assured of my faith. My mother and I had a long talk about my faith a few days ago. She at first didn't want me to go to BYUI because of all the usual Mormon stereotypes she'd heard, but she now knows what a wonderful and true faith. Such as the stereotype one of the elementary teachers gave her- when the lady told my mom that I didn't need to go to BYUI and be with Mormons, that the boys would attempt to make me one of their ten wives.

Disgusting. And ignorant.

But that's typical of the people here. What they don't know about, they fear. It's a shame, really. It makes me sad. Lisa is the only one here at the school who doesn't act like I'm a freak. Pam, of course, will just condemn me to hell. She condemned Lisa for being Catholic, so she'll do me the same way.

I hate the Baptist church, which is Pam's faith, along with about 90% of the rest of this state. They are nothing but hypocrits. So sad, really, for supposed Christians. All the ones who are drunk on Friday nights show up at some Baptist church to be high and mighty on Sunday. Nope. Doesn't work that way. Your body is a temple; keep it that way.

I better quit writing this and write my creative writing character sketches.

Much love.