Well, I Am Still...

.....feeling awful. I can't breathe and my nose is stuffy and I keep sneezing.

Joy..

Yeah, right!

Just sitting here being bored... as always. Nothing to do around here. Duh. Went to McDonald's and got two apple pies though. That made me happy!!!!! I love those things. 2 for $1, can't beat that! I could get ten of them. That wouldn't be healthy, but oh well...

Tired. I took a nap this afternoon too. I kept having weird dreams though. Who knows...

I'll come back.

Much love.

So Here I Sit....

.....blogging at work!!!

Yup, for sure.... This phone has the full keypad so that makes it sooo much easier! Plus there are no character limits on this phone like there were on the Razr.

I still feel icky!!! I skipped all my classes today. I could barely move, barely talk, barely think... I honestly am not worried about this semester. None of it will count at BYU Idaho so whatever.... Sigh.

Not much longer. Here's to hoping the big reunion will be happening in three months. I can live with that. Meg said when I talked to her earlier that it will be happening soon.... You had better be right, Meg!!! You always were in the past.....

I need to talk to that annoying brother of mine... Haha, just kidding as far as annoying goes. Brother John is far from annoying. I miss him too, but I doubt I can make it to Pennsylvania to see him anytime soon. I miss my sisters too.... Monica, Shanice, Ashley, Jen, Jennifer.... And my favorite sisters Katie B., Bri and Hannah. Soon, very soon....

My life sucks without you guys.

I shall return later.

Much love.

Just Because....

....I feel like writing some more.

I mean, yeah, I obviously have no life... Lisa and I reiterate that to ourselves every night as we sit here in the lobby mindlessly staring at our computer screens. We DO have no lives.... it's sad! Poor us!

Well, I did have a life.... it was torn down in April, and the rest of it collapsed on August 7.

Yeah, yeah.... you all know that.

Still don't feel well, but I'm better than earlier.... took two sinus headache pills and they've helped. It's that time life of the year, I guess.

Got a message from Elder Miskell earlier via Facebook. It's so nice to be able to keep in touch with everyone. I am so ready to be out there in Idaho... shame life doesn't come with a fast-forward button.

I'm waiting for my other Lisa to call me back... she met Glenn Beck twice yesterday (in Seattle and in Mt. Vernon) and I want to hear the details, details, details.... I wish I could have been there with her. We would have had a blast!!

I need to finish the WDW CP application so I can have the interview within the next two weeks. Then I need to call down to the church in Laurel and get an interview set up to have my ecclesiastical endorsement filled out and sent on its merry way. Need to get the ACT scores and the high school transcript... so by the time the 15th gets here, I'll be more than ready. Oh, and I need to get my dad to pay the $30 processing fee with his credit card. NOT my mom. No way am I asking her. I'll have my credit card by then so I might can do it, but it'll be easier getting my dad to help with that.

Yup, I'm finally getting a credit card. The Wal Mart Discover card so I can finally get my gas for $2.05 a gallon (that's how much it is in Laurel!!!!!). The stations here in Ellisville are ripping people off- I mean, gas is $2.40 here and anywhere from $2.05-$2.25 in Laurel? Please. Just another reason I hate small towns.

So I'm lucky I didn't get burned tonight.... I was heating the soup in the microwave and when I took it out, a pocket of air in it popped and soup went flying everywhere! Luckily no major damage was done... and the soup was a-ok. I love any kind of chowder, of course it was ok. And of course I had my Halloween Oreos.....

I think I'll quit and come back later.

Much love.

I Thought Earlier.....

....that I seriously HAD contracted the swine flu. No joke.

I had being feeling funky since about midnight last night... weird headache, kinda achy all over.... went to sleep (but barely got any). Woke up this morning with a headache that was RAGING, a sore throat, drainy mucus junk running down my throat, runny nose, sore all over.... I'm not kidding!!! I told my parents I seriously felt blah blah blah! Laid back down till around 4pm then left to come back to JCJC.... well, two boiling hot showers later (inhaling the aroma of my lavender bath goods in the steam of the shower to open my head up) and with a bowl of potato and ham chowder in me, I feel immensely better. My head isn't fully done aching, and my throat is still pouring mess, but I feel better. Perhaps I needed the hot soup and the steaming showers and the nap. Yes, yes, it helped tremendously...

I think I know what my problem is though. A little six letter word we like to call STRESS.

Plus, whenever I cry continuously for several days on end, this happens too. My eyes were the main piece of me aching, after my poor head, of course.

This is all such a nightmare.

The only good thing is I have a great support system as far as the whole BYU Idaho transfer goes. Both my Lisas, Brandon, Em, Katie, Elicia, Elder Miskell, my dad.... the most surprising one is my dad. I never thought he'd support me, but he is. My mom seems to be against it. You'd think she'd be for it, but noooo...... she's too wrapped up in the Enterprise school district and impressing them to care. My grandma, her mother, is against it too... why I have no clue. We live in the same town and I haven't seen either set of my grandparents in over a year. At least my dad has agreed to pay whatever it costs. He knows I want out of here. I'm miserable.

I want to get away from Mississippi...

And, I want some shred of my old life back. The life I had from Janaury till April.

I want to be back with Brandon. And Emmilie.

I miss them more than I have ever missed anyone in my life. I love them both oh so much and can't wait to see them again. I hope that won't be much longer.

Uhhhh..... sneezing. Eew. I better go for now.

Much love.

It Was One Of Those Days....

.....but who is surprised?

I have the area music loop from the now-dead Wonders Of Life pavilion playing now. That 63 minutes of musical genius always makes me so nostalgic. Epcot did a horrid thing by closing it. But not getting into that now...

My head is pounding. Throbbing. Raging. Searing. Pulsating. Aching. Any synonym for hurting you can think of. I cried a good bit again today. As always. I need to invest in waterproof mascara..... My eyes are burning too. Even my teeth hurt. But this isn't anything new- I hurt like this in my head every day.

It's so funny how pain manifests itself. My head, neck, eyes, arms, every inch of me aches all over. I'm not sick. The H1N1 swine flu hasn't overtaken me. It's just depression. Loneliness. The never-ending feeling of despair.

I miss him. More than anyone can imagine. More than anyone can conceive to know.

No need to tell who I miss.... those who know me know.

18 days and I'll have the application submitted. Then maybe this nightmare will be over.

I can only pray it will.

Much love.

It's the Great Pumpkin.....

....on my blog!!!!

I love Halloween. Can't wait for it!!! We're doing an Edgar Allan Poe-themed costume party this year (well, the creative writing club is). My costume is themed for "The Raven" and I'm going as Lenore.... the biggest task is finding a raven to carry.... I think I'll go to Spirit Halloween next week to get my cloak that I want to wear with the costume and inquire about ordering a raven. Dr. Townsend said she'd ensure I'm excused from classes on the 30th to read from "The Raven" all decked out and then participate in the various events. That's about the only thing about JCJC that is good this year.

So I rather like this pumpkin layout.

Much love.

I Suppose I Should Figure Out....

....quite a few things that would make my existance much easier if I could solve them. Not that I likely will, but it never hurts to try.

I mean, above all else, why is it that some nights I stay up till freaking 5am because I can't sleep and others I hit the hay at 9pm and am dead to the world? Answer me that.... hmmmm, bet you can't any more than I can.

Maybe I just have whacked-out sleeping habits... or maybe I just crash at the end of the week. Or maybe it's due to my overwhelming sadness that hits me at the worst possible moments.

That might be it.

And also.... why is time dragging? Come on, it could speed up some! Be October 15 so my application could be done and sent off.... be December 18 so I can be done with this current college.... be January 6 so I can (hopefully) be in Orlando..... be April 20 so I can be in Rexburg.

I told my mom today I just want to be out there. I told her I want to see Brandon. And Emmilie. Mainly Brandon, but still.... I also want to see Jordan. Shaun. Go down to Provo and see Elicia and Amy. Maybe even see Sarah.

I just want my old life back. The life I had from January to April 15.

April 15 is a rather black day in history, agreed? Tax Day... the day Abraham Lincoln died.... the day the Titanic sank... Sacco and Vanzetti supposedly murdered those two men.... numerous WWII battles were fought..... the Hillsoborough Disaster took place in England..... Tianenmen Square protests.... and for me, it is the day when my world came to a rude and abrupt halt.

Maybe that halt will move again soon. I have faith it will.

Much love.