It Was One Of Those Days....

.....but who is surprised?

I have the area music loop from the now-dead Wonders Of Life pavilion playing now. That 63 minutes of musical genius always makes me so nostalgic. Epcot did a horrid thing by closing it. But not getting into that now...

My head is pounding. Throbbing. Raging. Searing. Pulsating. Aching. Any synonym for hurting you can think of. I cried a good bit again today. As always. I need to invest in waterproof mascara..... My eyes are burning too. Even my teeth hurt. But this isn't anything new- I hurt like this in my head every day.

It's so funny how pain manifests itself. My head, neck, eyes, arms, every inch of me aches all over. I'm not sick. The H1N1 swine flu hasn't overtaken me. It's just depression. Loneliness. The never-ending feeling of despair.

I miss him. More than anyone can imagine. More than anyone can conceive to know.

No need to tell who I miss.... those who know me know.

18 days and I'll have the application submitted. Then maybe this nightmare will be over.

I can only pray it will.

Much love.

It's the Great Pumpkin.....

....on my blog!!!!

I love Halloween. Can't wait for it!!! We're doing an Edgar Allan Poe-themed costume party this year (well, the creative writing club is). My costume is themed for "The Raven" and I'm going as Lenore.... the biggest task is finding a raven to carry.... I think I'll go to Spirit Halloween next week to get my cloak that I want to wear with the costume and inquire about ordering a raven. Dr. Townsend said she'd ensure I'm excused from classes on the 30th to read from "The Raven" all decked out and then participate in the various events. That's about the only thing about JCJC that is good this year.

So I rather like this pumpkin layout.

Much love.

I Suppose I Should Figure Out....

....quite a few things that would make my existance much easier if I could solve them. Not that I likely will, but it never hurts to try.

I mean, above all else, why is it that some nights I stay up till freaking 5am because I can't sleep and others I hit the hay at 9pm and am dead to the world? Answer me that.... hmmmm, bet you can't any more than I can.

Maybe I just have whacked-out sleeping habits... or maybe I just crash at the end of the week. Or maybe it's due to my overwhelming sadness that hits me at the worst possible moments.

That might be it.

And also.... why is time dragging? Come on, it could speed up some! Be October 15 so my application could be done and sent off.... be December 18 so I can be done with this current college.... be January 6 so I can (hopefully) be in Orlando..... be April 20 so I can be in Rexburg.

I told my mom today I just want to be out there. I told her I want to see Brandon. And Emmilie. Mainly Brandon, but still.... I also want to see Jordan. Shaun. Go down to Provo and see Elicia and Amy. Maybe even see Sarah.

I just want my old life back. The life I had from January to April 15.

April 15 is a rather black day in history, agreed? Tax Day... the day Abraham Lincoln died.... the day the Titanic sank... Sacco and Vanzetti supposedly murdered those two men.... numerous WWII battles were fought..... the Hillsoborough Disaster took place in England..... Tianenmen Square protests.... and for me, it is the day when my world came to a rude and abrupt halt.

Maybe that halt will move again soon. I have faith it will.

Much love.

And One More...

....thing to add.

There still are good people in this world. Seriously.

I'm sitting here in the lobby on the laptop. A girl comes up to me and asks if I have ten cents, as she is short by that amount for the drink machine. I do. I give her the dime. She thanks me.

Two minutes later, she comes back and repays my dime.

Now, it's a dime. I don't worry about change like that. Ten bucks, maybe, but a dime... nope. But she repayed me. I don't know her, she doesn't know me. I was just helping a sister out. I don't expect payment back. But I got it.

Yet another moment to warm my heart and soul. Things are getting better!

Hallelujah, amen!!!

I'm done for the night blogging. For real. Just wanted to say that.

Much love!

Going Back To....

.....what I posted yesterday. Yeah, that. Uh-huh.

Anywhoo...

Funny, I've been patiently waiting for said happy happy joy joy moment for a while and finally got one. Here's to hoping my continuing patience will pay off big time.

That's all.

Much love.

Well It's About Time...

...that I had a happy happy joy joy, jump-up-and-down, shout and holler, cry tears of delight day.

Ok, so maybe I didn't do all those things, but I did have a happy happy joy joy moment getting ready to go to Journalism. When I get a text message on my totally awesome LG Xenon, it doesn't register who the message is from until you open it, just to let you know, (my old junky Motorazr did show who messages were from, which was kind of deflating since the element of surprise would get sucked away). So the message that popped up on the screen at 11:07am simply said "1 New Message" before I opened it. I figured it was my mom telling me something or asking an English question since she was subbing for the 10th grade English class today. Or maybe one of the messages I get from The Weather Channel telling me the day's forecast.... Or a text from someone still in Florida, like Gina or Hannah or Katie B.

Uhhh, noooo..... none of the above.

It was from my very favorite person on the face of whole entire earth.

Yeah, and we all know who that is..... that would be the one-and-only Brandon.

See, that's just living proof that God is all around us and He listens to us when we pray, AND that the Holy Spirit lives in all of us and tells us what to do and when to do it.

And perhaps it's also proof that when you least expect something, it happens.

Because, I pray every night for something small and unexpected, for a miracle, for an answer.... I know God listens to me. He gave me something to smile about this morning. He let me know that one of my most cherished friends still thinks about me and still loves me.

Hallelujah!!!

Much love.

Well well well well....

....Well.

Ahem.

Not much to say here... not much going on. Just still breathing, still waking up everyday, I guess is the greatest thing I'm doing. Oh yeah, and praying, but that goes without saying.

I hate JCJC. I'm reiterating that once again. Just for clarification. Just to make things uber crystal clear. Sparkling uber crystal clear.

Ok, moving on from that....

23 days left. Three weeks, two days. Until I can officially submit the BYU Idaho application for the spring.Needless to say, I am desperate for that day to come. I can't stand the wait much longer. It's excruciating!!!

The only thing about it that isn't quite so uber cool is that Emmilie will be in Ukraine when I get to Idaho (might as well say it- like they're really going to turn me down). But my numero uno friend Brandon will be there- or so he better be. He'll be in a tremendous amount of trouble if he isn't for some strange reason (you know I'm kidding, Brandon). He's a ginormous chunk of why I'm going out there. Him, Em, and being surrounded by other Mormons and getting a solid Gospel education. Paradise, if you ask me. All idyllically set in Idaho.

Yay!!!! My parents should thrilled to be shelling out the money for this one. Better than shelling out the $20K plus for USM every year. I don't really think they want that any more than I do.

Enough rambling.....

Much love.