So Here I Am Again...

.....Updating this thing at the most random and sporadic time. Sounds about like something I would do. I mean, being spontaneous is a good thing, sure.... but not all the time.



Ok, that's said....



I was reading Em's latest entry about "the hunt" and yeah..... I can't wait to be on that same prowl when I get to Rexburg. Ok, so I already have some experience.... but honestly, I'm only on the prowl for one person and until that one person ends up off the market, so to speak.... yeah. But even that prowl is not an easy one.

Enough of that. That one person is the reason why I've been in such a sad state lately. And by sad, I mean sad- melancholy, distressed, moping, depressed, whatever. Tomorrow it will be five months.... here's to hoping I survive it without a major meltdown. I've been getting those lately- long crying fits that seem to last for a looooong time. Sigh. I hope it will all be over soon.

In happier news, yesterday was the 6 month anniversary of my baptism. I've been LDS officially for 6 months. How glorious it is!!!!

Much love.

I Need to Do Myself a Favor....

..... and QUIT THINKING ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!!

Ok, got that said.

I'm serious. I stayed up till 5:30am because the usual was on my mind and I couldn't sleep. I in turn slept till 4:20pm today.... that's right. 4:20 in the afternoon. I haven't done that in over three years. I only sleep like that when I'm really sad or depressed. And I'm both of those right now. This is also when I break out the super-sad music in iTunes, songs that never fail to make me cry. Seems that's all I do anymore.

It wasn't so bad from May until I came home. I was still in Florida and had other things to occupy my mind. I had Katie with me still, and I remember sitting in her apartment that night and admitting the truth to her, which she of course had already picked up on. I still had my friends that hadn't left me, such as Emmilie, until the end. I was always so grateful that my friend Debbie came to see me the week of April 26th, and that Ashley came up from Palm Beach on April 18th. Things like that, right after it happened, made me able to cope. I met Hannah and she helped me cope too. Bridget came back and helped.

Then came August 7 and I left, like certain individuals did to me in April.

Being at home, where I don't want to be, makes it worse. I can tolerate my 9yo brother (I mean, it's not his fault he has ADHD and is deaf in one ear). I am fine with my mom. I'm starting to be able to be around my dad. But my sister is intolerable. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but it's true. She needs to grow up and quit having my parents fight her battles for her. I'll help her with anything, be it ACT studying, Mrs. Cook's English class, or anything else, but she doesn't deserve it the way she acts. It's frustrating to me.

I've found, ever since my conversion to the LDS church, that I'm a much more calm, placid person. I'm willing to do anything for my family. I'm assured of my faith. My mother and I had a long talk about my faith a few days ago. She at first didn't want me to go to BYUI because of all the usual Mormon stereotypes she'd heard, but she now knows what a wonderful and true faith. Such as the stereotype one of the elementary teachers gave her- when the lady told my mom that I didn't need to go to BYUI and be with Mormons, that the boys would attempt to make me one of their ten wives.

Disgusting. And ignorant.

But that's typical of the people here. What they don't know about, they fear. It's a shame, really. It makes me sad. Lisa is the only one here at the school who doesn't act like I'm a freak. Pam, of course, will just condemn me to hell. She condemned Lisa for being Catholic, so she'll do me the same way.

I hate the Baptist church, which is Pam's faith, along with about 90% of the rest of this state. They are nothing but hypocrits. So sad, really, for supposed Christians. All the ones who are drunk on Friday nights show up at some Baptist church to be high and mighty on Sunday. Nope. Doesn't work that way. Your body is a temple; keep it that way.

I better quit writing this and write my creative writing character sketches.

Much love.

Time Is Passing Oh So Slowly....

.....It seems. Yeah, I know it's September, but still. It needs to be April 20, 2010. Then I'll cease to complain. But I have seven months and two weeks left till then, according to the little countdown banner I made. Hurry up and get here....

My headaches are much better. Got new glasses and new contacts. So amazing how correcting a simple problem stops whatever discomfort a person has. Now if I could just make my heart quit aching, we'd be good. There's only one way to do that, of course.... I doubt I'll be curing that ache any time soon. That's why I'm so anxious for April to get here- or even Janaury, if everything goes as planned. More on that as the time draws nearer.

I hate Jones Junior College with a passion. Enough said. I cannot WAIT for December 18 too. That's the day I leave that place forever!! Happy happy joy joy!!

On another note.... had a job interview at SCRMC a couple days ago in Laurel. Went really well too. Apparently no one wants to work in the E.R. from 3pm-11pm. I'll be glad too. I'm used to that shift anyway, since my WDW shifts were usually in that time frame. I'm praying they hire me. I need this job badly!!

I need to go on to bed.... it's 2:37am. Ok, turning the sappy songs off in iTunes and commencing sleep in 3....2....1......

Much love.

Oh, And By The Way...

..... I want to hurry autumn along, so I changed my template to reflect that. That's all

Much love!!!!

And Once Again....

...... My head hurts!!!! Grrrr!!!!! This is getting ridiculous! I need either better corrective lenses or a head transplant!!! Ok, just joking on the last part..... seriously. That was a joke.

I got my dorm. Yayyyy me!!! Haha. At least my roomie is a) in the band, b) quiet, c) a freshman, and d) nice. Her name is Devan. Of course, my darling little sister Bri Bri (ok, my adopted sister.... not my real one) popped into my head since that's her first name! Which made me miss my little Bri Bri sooo much..... I wish I was back at Disney with her. And my twin Katie. And my Hannah!!!!! Grrr.....

.....Which in turn makes me miss my other Katie, and my Emmilie, and my sweetie Fernando far far away in Brazil..... and my numero uno beloved friend I miss, my dear Brandon. 'Course, I'll be likely seeing both Emmilie and Brandon in the spring but still..... Missing people I love hurts!!! I still cry every day when I think about.... ok, me, that's enough. No sense in digging that up again. Not now. Not yet.

I'm not really going to bother buying books this year for classes. I'm serious. A $130 Marriage and Family book that Mr. Perritt isn't using, that I'll get back $50 for at the end of the year?? Nope. No way on earth! I'll take meticulous notes, thank you!!

Now quit hurting, head..... and be still, my heart.

Much love.

My Head Hurts....

.....Like you really care to know, but still.... I'm saying it anyway. I need stronger glasses/contacts. No wonder my eyes have been throbbing so much lately!!!

I was successful in ditching Spanish II. Now I'm in Marriage and the Family. Hey, might as well take that.... I'll be needing it sooner or later!!! Since marriage will likely be happening within the next 2-3 years or so for me.... so I hope. I've realized lately how ready I am to go to the temple and get married and then start a family. I can't wait!!!!!!!!

So tomorrow I have to be at school at 9:30am for Music Appreciation, then Government, the Journalism, then Creative Writing. Here's to hoping I'm headache-free tomorrow!

On another note.... I can't wait to get a dorm. I found a ward in Laurel and can't wait to go to church again (hopefully Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). That is all.

Much love.

Here I Am Again...

.....Back in wonderful Mississippi. Gag me please. Ugh! I hate this place. I now realize even more why I left it for seven months. VERY smart decision on my part. Of course, here's to hoping by the end of the year, I'll be out of here permanently. Because if everything goes as planned, I'll go to Orlando in January then head on out to Rexburg in April. Woo hoo!!! I cannot WAIT to see this place disappear in my rearview mirror forever.

I start classes tomorrow. Fuuuun. I'm rearranging my schedule though. I don't much prefer to take Spanish II and Government. I need more literature classes. Just for the heck of it.

It's been a hard past few days.... ok, so you'd think four months later I'd be over it but I'm not. I don't think I'll ever get over it.... and "it" is not something I plan on explaining in this post. If you know me, you know what I'm taking about. Enough said, ok?

So this means an early bedtime... lack of a dorm temporarily means a commute and since the soon-to-be-dumped Spanish class is at 8:30am.... yeah. You guessed it.

Much love.